Sunday, May 19, 2013

I Wish I Dont Care

I came across this great blog and thought how similar we are. 
You see, she was also apprehensive of showing herself out there. That is so me.
She sees a lot of things going wrong with her body. Same here. 

Can you blame the likes of us? We have been bullied shamelessly almost all our lives that we tend to believe what they have to say about our body, whether they are true or not. We got bombarded by the media of the normal  traits a woman MUST have that we tend to over analyze ourselves and see a less-worthy person lurking in this body. 

Maybe that is why I have the tendency to conceal myself behind a protective shield (usually my daughter) to block myself from possible criticisms and snide comments. They may not mean any harm but still, they can cause a tiny sting behind my eyes. 

Hiding behind Zay. Cant you tell by the hands?
 
With all the talks about body love going on around nowadays, I should be more forgiving to myself knowing that I'm  "more than just a number in the scale" and that I am " imperfect,flawed but beautiful." But I got a long way to go.I am my own worst critic. The whole lifetime of disapproval has somehow impaired my self confidence.

I have been hungry for the last 15 years of my life of being in this or that diet. You'd think I should be thinner by now but no, I'm still bulky and big with a few helpings of cellulite and stretch marks. I'm trying to accept the fact that this is the best version of me. But it still is a long hurdle I need to conquer. 

So, in the spirit of keeping it real, this is the real me.
1. My skin is dark and the tone is uneven. 
2. I get zits and my skin is not clear. Yes, at my age, i still get it.
3. I need to end my love affair with rice and pork and chocolates and anything fatty or sweet.
4. I can get lazy and dont exercise as often as needed. 
5. I worry too much that it robs me some precious snooze time.
6.I have a huge mommy tummy and my arms are humongous!
7. I slouch.
8. Ever wonder how its like not to diet? I do.
9. My hubby doesn't criticize me but I sometimes wonder. Does he think of me any less because of this body? Does he wish I'm thinner?
10. My family comes above anything or anyone, including myself.
11. I dont take selfies. What for?
11. And that group photo with the gang? I deleted it. I got double chin.


Kisses,

kristine

5 comments:

  1. awww... had these thoughts before too...i grew up a chubby dark skinned kid too...that until back in 2008 when i was sooo depressed over something, me and my friend turned to running...i lost more than 30lbs and i cant believe what a 30lb difference can do, physically and emotionally... i had a renewed self- esteem... i stayed on that weight until i got pregnant in 2011.... i tried to run again last year and was able to go back somewhere near my best weight but im pregnant again now... hehehe so goodluck on another attempt after il pop....

    thanks for visiting my site btw.... im glad to find another promdi mommy online!!! :-) am following you now...see you around!

    -promding chamimay

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  2. Wow, 30lbs is not easy to lose ha. you are an inspiration! matry nga..
    thanks you!:)

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  3. Wow, 30lbs is not easy to lose ha. you are an inspiration! matry nga..
    thanks you!:)

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  4. I think you are beautiful Kristine! I love this post. Well done for sharing it - it's not easy is it! xx

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    1. Thank you charlotte! You are my inspiration in writing this post. Yes,im working on accepting myself knowing that i have to love myself before i could love others. :)

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