A Letter To Teen Me

Dear 16 Me,

I can see you inside your room, two knuckles prop up your chin while you look outside into the cold, dark night. Stars fill the sky just like it always seemed to be in the countryside. The cold air is nipping its cold teeth unto your skin but you don't seem to notice.

Closer inspection revels the tears you have been trying to hold in. I can see in your eyes the sadness that lurks within, a sadness you cant tell even your closest friend about, a melancholy I knew too well. I know you are counting all the things that is wrong with your life. Teenagers tend to do that. Well, at least the teen me use to do that. You read books to escape from your reality. You dream everyday. You dream big. Sorry to pop your bubble but some of those remain just that, dreams. Uh oh, you are about to cry. I know how crybaby you used to be. Actually, you still are. Some things never change.

Turn off the waterworks, girl. Although its true that not all things you've dreamed of became a reality but I am here to tell you great things happened  in your future. Believe me, everything fell into its place.

Spoiler Alert! The next things I will tell you are quite reveling. I know, I am messing up with your timeline. If you don't want to know these revelations, you can stop reading right now. But knowing you as well as I do, you would continue, much like how you flip to the last chapter of a great book because you just cant take the suspense. I can see you smiling now. Yup, I know you too well.

First, you didn't end up a journalist. I know how you would like to write articles for newspapers just like those you read in your favorite column Young Blood. Whenever you would fill up college application forms, you would always tick off the box that says journalist as your first career choice. Your being in your school paper fuel up that dream. But, being a goody-two-shoes that you are, you will follow your parents' suggestion and will become a teacher. It might sound so overbearing of them but let me tell you that you will love it. I swear, you will. You will love the kids in your class and despite it being such a hard job,you still wake up looking forward to seeing their faces every single day. Sure, there will be days when it will be too hard to handle them, days when you felt like you justwant to hold your hands up and give up. But you never will because that feeling will never last. You will still go back to your class and smile, knowing that you have chosen the best profession in the world.

You will lose some of the important people in your life. Some to death, others to distance. Others still will just choose to say goodbye. It will hurt. Prepare yourself because it will hurt like hell, like your heart will be yank out from your chest and trampled upon by vengeful giants. And it will take a long time to get used to the emptiness they will leave behind. But one thing is true: time heals. It will get better. You might not forget , but you will move on.

 Another thing, you still haven't gone to that  place you've always wanted to go to. 16 years has come and gone but that place is still a picture in the postcard. Someday, I believe that we both will get there and it will be better because we have two very important people going with us. It will be something to look forward to, don't you think? Paris, here we come!

The number 1 item on our bucket list hasn't been crossed out yet. You want to write a novel. You have this pad paper filled with a story that you keep hidden in your closet. You wrote that story longhand and your closest friends read it and gushed over it. That novel got lost. Maybe mom threw it away during cleaning day. Maybe you left it somewhere. But good news, I am now in the middle of writing one. I am getting bits and pieces of your life and am writing about it. It isn't finished yet, not by a long shot. No signs of getting published anytime soon but its okay. It will not change the fact that you are a writer. You are an author. So hang on there and stop wishing for typewriters because you will soon own a computer. You will write your thoughts and feelings in a thing they call blog and people will read and appreciate your work. In the meantime, write those stories in your pad paper and please don't lose it. Future you desperately wants to read it.

And that boy you have been pining for? That boy who unwittingly broke your heart  and shattered your dreams will never be yours. I'm sorry to say he will never be. Instead, your prayers will be answered. Remember how you wished for someone to love you so much, it hurts? Well, you will meet such a man in 3 years' time. That man will endure all the pain just to be with you. He will look beyond your issues and he will love you above and beyond your insecurities.  He might not say it in so many words, no grand gestures or big elaborate surprises from him like what you see in those romantic comedies you love so much, but he has so much more to offer than expensive gifts and candlelit dinners. What he will give you will be so much more. Its for you to find out. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

You will become me someday. Much older maybe, but definitely wiser.

You will learn how to voice out your opinion. You will still be apprehensive at times but you will say what you need to say because your opinions matter.

You will learn to stop cowering in the corner and will know better than crying silently. Its a good thing you stopped being a pushover. 

One day, you will try new things. You will swallow your fear and will do things you didn't do before because you were too chicken to even try. Things like getting married and having a baby. And ziplining and getting drunk senseless in the middle of the street at 3am. You do have a fun side, in case you haven't noticed. 

You will learn to make your stand and say no.

You still don't know a lot of things but you will not stop learning.

You will realize that the most important things in life don't come with price tags.

You will learn not to accept sh*t from anyone because you know you deserve so much more.

In time, you will accept yourself and stop beating yourself up for not being perfect.

You will stop listening to people who didn't have anything better to do but to let you know that you are not good enough. I am here to tell you that you are. No matter who you turn out to be, you don't fall short. You are good enough and please don't listen to people who insist you aren't.

In time, you will value your worth and see your character instead of your looks.

So don't fret, 16 me. Someday, you will realize that not all dreams come true. But let me assure you, reality isn't so bad. Your future may not be perfect, which is overrated anyway, but it is so much better.

See you soon,

Kristine at 32

The Teen Me,circa 1998