Me and My So-called Independence

Here I am again. After a million years of hibernation, I am actually writing again. I miss this. I miss you. Its just that I was buried alive with work. The school year here in the Philippines is about to end and I am swamped with making grades and accomplishing year-end reports. I'm not complaining though. What comes after all these frantic running arounds is two months of free time. I am so looking forward to that.

Shout out to Anne of Growing up Madison. Thank you for noticing my absence, for making me feel missed. :)

Tonight, I rewarded myself with a little time and logged into my Facebook account and what I saw were graduation photos and congratulatory messages. Graduation season is here and the sentimental in me was reminded of my own. Oh, how I miss those days in school. Which eventually reminded me of a piece I wrote in my old blog. I dug up my old blog today and found this entry. This brought a smile to my face and some memories, too. I miss this time of my life when things are so uncomplicated (although during those days, I thought that my life was such a mess. I was dead wrong. More bumps are in my unseen future. If only I knew, I wouldn't have been such a whiner). I am re-posting this so that I wont forget how I was and who I was when I was younger. I don't wanna forget that I was once a fun-loving girl.  Because now, with everything going on in the world, I sometimes forget.

I miss my high school friends. I miss the bestfriends I gained at the university. Most of all, I miss the girl who used to be me. I want to remember her, because I will never be that way, ever again.

Me and my so-called Independence

High school graduation was the happiest day of my entire teenage life. Sure, I was sad because I would be separated from my friends and classmates with whom I shared the best of times. But college, for me, was a whole new world of adventure. It’s the fairy land of my dreams; my prince charming; my treasure island.
You ask: Why was going to college such a big deal to you, anyway?
The high school girls

You see, all my life, I've lived in the confines of our “little baguio” town. I have spent all my life in the same house, with the same people. The classmates I had in nursery were the same people who copied my assignments in high school. The owner of the bakery around the corner has grown old before my eyes. I hanged out with the same faces I have known since Grade 2. In short, I haven’t been anywhere farther than a ferry boat ride to a nearby resort island. I’m not really complaining. They are the best friends I could ever ask for. But please understand me. I want something new. something more exciting.I may not go to college any farther than Cagayan de Oro which is only a one-hour ride from our town. Still, it meant living my life in total independence.

Country living

Graduation signified the end of my childhood eccentricities. It meant my coming of age. I was such a slob at home. My room was a jungle, complete with all the creatures hibernating under my bed. I promised myself that when I’d be in the city; my room would be squeaky clean since no Leslie would spill her milk on my bed cover. My favorite teddy bear would smell nice since no Jean would wet it during the night. My study table would be organized since no Steph would turn it upside down to make room for her doll. College meant no overprotective parents and pesky sisters. In short, life would be a lot easier.College also meant no curfews. I would live in a boarding house where I could come home whenever I want to. I could sleep as late as I’d like and wake up with the sun high up. Free time would mean going out with friends. I’d read books until the break of dawn. Best of all, I’d go into a crash diet without my mom crying ulcer!

I’d be leaving this place full of “keen-eyed” people. In the city, nobody would comment if I throw a brandishing tongue to a jeepney driver. Nobody would condemn me for laughing out loud in the street. I’d have all the freedom I could ever ask for. God, the possibilities were endless!

Yes, graduation spelled INDEPENDENCE in big, bold highlighted letters. It’s everything I’ve longed for and I could only have that in college. Or so I thought.

The first day at my new home was a total disaster; I could have died of homesickness! I miss my mom's cooking and dad's booming voice. The silence in my new home was deafening.
My first day at school was nothing different. I was left staring at the endless sea of nameless faces, not knowing what to do or where to go. I was there in the middle of the crowd, yet feeling so alone and isolated. Believe me, the feeling was awful. I wished to be transported to my old school, surrounded by all the familiar faces I despised so much. If you say that the feeling was like being Tom Hanks in The Castaway, I’d have agreed instantly. Nothing can be truer!

The night was even worse! My room was so lonely that I longed for the pillow fights I used to have with my sisters. I missed our secret-sharing and whispers long after the lights were out. I slept in an immaculately clean room yet I wished to be back in the “jungle” with my smelly teddy bear.

As days went by, I slowly adjusted to the so-called independent living. I gained my share of friends, the best kind I could ever wish for. I went with them malling and bar-hopping whenever the time allowed. I’ve learned to eat instant noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’ve slept as late as 3am doing nothing but talk with my roommate. I've watched as many movies, concerts and shows as my allowance could allow.
Despite of all these freedom I’ve come to enjoy, a week wouldn’t pass without me going home to the cold, old town.
College was bearable because of these gorgeous girls

My four years in college has taught me one thing: you love most those you love first. The most valuable things are those you've grown up with. No matter how far you’ve gone, no matter how far and wide, you still go back to where your roots were sown. People, places and things that have been a part of my life, no matter how insignificant they may seem, have taken a part in molding me. Now, I realized that I could never be totally free from where I came from. No matter how long I live in the city, I would always be a country girl by heart.

I never really gained the guts to wear a tube blouse nor lose all my baby fats with endless crash diet. But what the heck, I am still an independent woman even if I’m "probinsyana".


  1. Welcome back Kristine! I remember looking forward to summer because it meant spending more time with my mom who's a teacher/principal. I grew up in the city, but luckily we get to spend a few times a year in the province and I love it there, so yeah, I'm also a probinsyana at heart.

  2. aww you just made me miss my school years, happy graduation to your students and their accomplishment is also yours so congrats to you too sis <3 just a side note, im hosting a victorias secret giveaway atm and i hope you can join :)

  3. Glad you're back! I've been checking on you for quite sometime na sis.

    We had the same feeling about living in and leaving the good ol' town. I spelled college as freedom and never ever in my wildest dream that I would someday live here again. I wanted the city too much. But yes, you're right...we still go back to where our roots are. And because of the experience of being away from home, I get to appreciate it and the people here even more. Thanks for bringing me back the memories and the realization. =)

  4. Oh I'm so happy to see that you're back! I really missed you posting. As for this post, my daughter so needs to read this. I felt the same way after I graduated high school. I wanted to be as far away as possible from my parents, from the rules and regulations, the curfews, the "you gotta eat this or that". When I finally got the freedom, I wanted to be back home. I missed being at home and actually missed the curfews and the rules. Sure I made some great friends but I missed the ones I grew up with.

    My daughter is heading off to college in a few months and she feels the same way I did when I left high school. Maybe after reading this she'll see that she needs to enjoy being a teenager and a high schooler while it lasts.

    So good to have you back! Big Hugs!

  5. i can totally relate to this "you love most those you love first" proud probinsyana here too! like you, i've been with the same group of people for more half of my entire life. went to manila to work but a few years later, i found myself back home :) sabe nga nila, there's no place like home ;)

  6. I grew up in a big city so I went to college in the same town I grew up in :) I did live by myself though and work full time so it was definitely the beginning of independence for me too. I am so ready for summer! I hope the next couple of weeks go quickly for you so you can enjoy your summer!

  7. I also experienced separation anxiety with my h.s. friends after graduation because some of them were my classmates from our elementary days. I remember praying at night that nothing will change with our friendship even though a new chapter in our lives will start to unfold.

  8. Checking up on you once again my friend. I hope you're doing ok, miss you.

  9. Kristine it's been 3 months since an update. I hope you're having a great weekend! ((huggs))


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